THE
KATES HILL PRESS, DUDLEY, ENGLAND
STORY
OF THE WEEK, #11. AUTHOR: CAROL MIDWOOD
From her
poetry collection Edna & Arthur.
For more details click here.
EDNA, A
PORTRAIT OF A BLACK COUNTRY WENCH
Our Edna’s a Black Country
wench, born and bred,
With bright, brassy hair, piled
high on her head.
She roars like a lion and purrs
like a cat,
And she’s proud of her ‘babbies’
and Darren and Pat.
Her thick, pink-rimmed glasses
sit low on her nose,
For she peers above them to see
anything close.
And her sharp, dark brown eyes
don’t miss a great deal!
And Faggots’n’Paes is her
favourite meal.
She’s a little bit plump, so she
waddles around,
And her wobbling chest points
down to the ground,
For she can’t abide corsets and
she won’t wear a bra.
And her corns play her up if she
walks very far!
Arthur calls her ‘The Gaffer’ -
she’s small but she’s tough,
If he needles and wheedles she
soon takes the huff.
She’s stubborn and wilful and
likes her own way
And at every row she’ll have the
last say.
She keeps her house spotless, so
neat and so clean,
She’s so energetic you’d swear
she’s eighteen!
She’ll down G and T’s at the
first sign of trouble -
She only drinks singles when she
can’t afford doubles.
Her laugh seems to start from
the tips of her toes
And everything wobbles as
upwards it flows.
She loves a good gossip and
she’ll share a good moan
There’s no-one quite like her,
she’s one on her own!
Carol Midwood
ARTHUR, A
PORTRAIT
Our Arthur’s from ‘off’, he was
born down in Brum,
(But he’d never admit to his
mates where he’s from)
For he moved up the Lye before
he could talk -
Drank his first pint of Batham’s
before he could walk!
He’s small and he’s wiry, a
welder by trade,
And he spends half his wages the
same day he’s paid.
His feet are so big that he
treads on your toes,
He trips, slips and stubs them
wherever he goes.
His hair is jet black, with a
‘Teddy-Boy’ wave,
He uses Brylcreem and Old Spice
after-shave.
His nose is quite large and his
front teeth protrude;
He’s a wit, opportunist and,
above all, shrewd.
Edna calls him ‘Sir Arthur’ when
he orders his dinner -
But he’ll pay for a curry if his
horse is a winner.
He’s ‘under the thumb’ - though
he’ll cunningly say,
“When Edna cor see me, oy’ll goo
me own way!”
He likes to spend all Sunday
morning in bed
To let all the Real Ale run out
of his head.
The first light of noon finds
him propping the bar
Of the Plough, Unicorn, Princess
or Seven Stars.
He’s got lots of mates and he
loves a good joke
And he only stays home when he’s
totally broke.
He’s cheerful, big-hearted, with
twinkling blue eyes.
He loves dogs, cats, kids, Edna
and Fleur de Lys pies!
Carol Midwood.